Unshakeable Self-Confidence – Part 1

Attaining Limitless Confidence

Wouldn’t it be great to embody a feeling of unshakeable self-confidence? Wouldn’t it be absolutely wonderful to have a powerful and limitless sense of self that you are capable of anything? If that sounds good to I invite you to join me on this incredible journey of attaining limitless confidence!

At one time or another we have all faced challenging situations that shook us to the core. Some of us, depending on our lot in life, may even face these obstacles on a daily basis. But not one among us is completely immune to stress- and whether we are discussing love life, work life, public speaking engagements, playing sports, or building a small business we all could use some additional accessible self-confidence at some time or another to overcome these various life stressors.

This is multi-part blog series on the nature of confidence. We are going to examine the different types of confidence, their core components, and how they arise and ebb and flow throughout our lives. We are also going to discuss how to attain limitless confidence, how to access confidence when you need it most and how to transform ourselves into highly confident individuals. With this series, I aim in inspire you to become a more confident and authentic person. I also plan to deliver some valuable tools for to continue your journey into confidence and offer any further guidance I can along the way.

Part 1:

Internal vs. External Confidence

First off, confidence is both a natural and learned state of being. There are two basic types: external and internal, and though related, both are uniquely useful and cultivated in a different manner.

Our external confidence is a feeling of confidence based on merit and the results of our actions; external results “prove” we are capable of doing something. Seeing is believing and accomplishing what we set out to do reinforces our internal sense of confidence; that we are capable of doing a specific as well as similar tasks.

Internal confidence is a sort of “inner faith” and sense of knowing that one is powerful, capable and has unique abilities that will help us “figure things out” when faced with uncertainty. This type of confidence exists when one truly knows oneself and is aware of our own authentic needs, values and abilities.

Internal confidence is also our birthright. If you think about it, a baby knows when it is hungry, tired or upset and is not afraid to express itself. This natural alignment with inherent wants and needs is a sort of confidence in itself. Knowing what you want and need is a powerful first step because it brings a sense of clarity and all that comes next is striving to achieve it. If the baby is hungry or tired it demands that need to be met through crying. In this way we are born confident in our ability to know what we need and to ask for it.

Confidence that relies on external proof contains one minor flaw as it requires external validation to exist. If we are constantly relying on external proof to show us we are capable, then we are almost literally putting the cart before the horse and we will never have the power to take action in the face of uncertainty.

On the other end, internal confidence is powerful, adaptable and only limited to the extent that one “self-predicts.” If one has this deep sense of inner faith, one will be much more likely to accomplish tasks in the face of uncertainty. Its weakness if anything is that it is an abstract and undirected form of confidence, and if left unbridled could potentially become reckless and allow us to strive for unrealistic goals.

The merit-based external confidence is also highly useful. Once we have accomplished something or overcome a particular challenge, the result is hard evidence and one feels confident the task can be repeated. This type of confidence can be further applied to similar tasks and obstacles. The manner in which this confidence builds is therefore quite logical. It is almost the equivalent of a job resume where one skill set translates to another and you are interviewing yourself for the job.

The internal confidence has a certain audacity. It is quite bold and despite the uncertainty it supplies you with enough patience and perseverance to complete the job. It is also the confidence of a daredevil or risk-taker. It is quite fierce and powerful and can make us effective in situations involving thinking on your feet, public speaking to strangers, learning new tasks and entering new situations unprepared.

This type of confidence can access a certain spiritual level where one feels faith that the answers will be discovered and the right tools or teachers will just somehow arrive to help us figure it out as we go.

A little of this inner power goes along way and when enslaved by the ego one can become over-confident. The truth of this confidence is greater than ourselves and extends beyond us through faith. Where one believes that one is powerful and that they are the one doing it all by themselves, that is where we get into trouble. This confidence usually arrives as an invitation from the universe rather than a forceful or aggressive confidence that is muscled through by the ego.

This type of confidence arises from the higher self or the core being. It is an authentic birthright that lies inside each of us. Therefore, when confidence is not present it is simply obscured and awaiting rediscovery. The way we “unlearned” confidence was through the trauma we experienced in life and our “upbringing” where we are taught to think and be logical and that we can or cannot and should or should not do certain things. For example, the negative belief that women can’t be scientists and men can’t be nurturing and emotional.

In later entries we are going to talk about how to unwind all this type of trauma and negativity that obscures self-confidence and help you attain powerful, unshakeable and limitless self-confidence which is your birthright. Fortunately, the process is quite simple as it is the same as every other path of self growth where giant leaps forward are made simultaneously in each area of your life!

Reflection Points:

Internal and External Confidence are symbiotic and can reinforce each other. Use the power you feel in one area to enhance the feeling of confidence in areas you feel less confident.

To do so, contemplate and journal on the following ideas:

  1. What have you accomplished in your life that makes you feel proud or confident?
  2. Where are the places you currently struggle with confidence in your life?
  3. In what ways are the current struggles similar to the tasks you had accomplished in the past?
  4. What can you begin doing now to build confidence in those current struggle areas?

 

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The Power of Choice

The ultimate power we hold in this world lies within our power of choice. No other power exists that can shape our destiny, create our reality and influence the people in our lives like the choices we make. In fact, we hold no other apparatus of control in our lives other than our choice-making in all worldly matters.

Our power of choice is shaped and implemented through our thoughts, feelings and actions. No one can control what you think. Even if on the surface you comply and behave according to what someone else wants, the true freedom to think for yourself always exists within the realm of the mind. Thinking can be influenced by the outside world if we let it, but in the end we always have the choice whether to belief in something or not.

Often forgotten or unrealized, the same choice is true for human emotions. Though we might convince ourselves or even convey in our language that some has “made us angry” or “insulted us” it is always our personal choice to respond that way- though often an unconscious one. Our past experiences, successes and failures; the ways we’ve chosen to adapt, react and respond to challenges in life and the result we’ve achieved have all shaped our emotional response to the present.

Emotional responses are thus subjective and in many ways predetermined by the learned reactions of the individual. For example, some people react to stress with excitement, others with fear. For some, an insult makes us angry. Others are deeply hurt and others shrug it off. How you respond today all stems from how you adapted to challenges in the past, and that is your unique personal history.

Two important conclusions arise here. First, no one is “making us angry.” This is our “chosen” or programmed response pattern to a certain stimulus. Second, feelings are based on our perceptions of the moment and are therefore changeable. No one can control how you feel or react to any given situation except you and how long you choose to keep following your adapted response. When we make statements like “you make me angry ,” we give our power of choice away. It also unfairly places responsibility for our emotional reactions on others.

Actions and how we respond are the most powerful choices one can make and also lie in the control of the individual more than we think. Actions that are in step with your character and aligned and consistent with your values are the most powerful. These speak integrity and are felt by others both in personal relationships and in business. The power of “walking your talk” is incredible and useful. It’s consistency builds rapport and trust in others. Also, how powerful would it be to next time someone insults you to react with sympathy and compassion rather than biting their head off?  How you respond can influence the behavior of others and thus control what arises in any situation.

Our present state of wealth and/or happiness are also a result of the commitments and course of action we have chosen in our lives. Had you made different choices, you would have gone down a completely different road, found a different career, connected with different people and become an entirely different person inside and out. Common sense says that if you don’t like your lot in life, then make some new choices. You are not a victim of your circumstances nor are you stuck where you think you are…

We might think we are stuck or limited in our choices at various times in our lives, but the truth is there are a myriad of choices not yet considered and one might be the solution to our dilemma. Our mind frozen in fear perceives limitation and inhibits taking any action, while any opportunity remains hidden. Next time you are in a rut, I challenge you to stop, breath and look for the openings. The choices may be small, even difficult or undesirable at first, but they are in there. Any dilemma no matter how insurmountable it seems has set of choices that can lead you back to prosperity.

Certainly choosing to change must be done practically and in a timely manner, but plenty of people with kids and all sorts of problems that are bigger than yours have slowly begun to make new choices and shift their reality into something they can live with. The key difference is they began to see their power of choice and then chose to use it.

When you have realized you do have a choice you have taken your power back and brought your awareness to the next level. Previously challenging circumstances will seem easier in this new light and more choices will be readily available in difficult times. You will also be the master of your emotional reactions and with clarity you will be able to choose your response instead of feeling hurt, insulted, degraded or enraged. You will think more clearly, brilliantly, quickly and able to take powerful actions that lead to consistent levels of success that were previously unreachable.

In the end, our thoughts feelings and actions are all our choice, which comprise our reality and our perception of reality. Choice is also the mechanism of change. If you don’t like your reality think about changing your beliefs and behavior first. In the least, you will see it in a new light and find choices that were previously unavailable. Next think about what series of choices might lead you down a path to the life you want to create. These choices are out there. If you can’t figure it out on your own, there’s no shame in that. Give me a call and I will help you.

My Intentions….

Hello Everyone,

Thank you for your interest in my coaching practice!  When all my technology is in order I plan to start posting my thoughts and feelings in this blog.  My hopes is that these words will seek to inspire discussions around the topics of personal development and spiritual transformation within the individual and the word.  All are highly encouraged to take part and dialogue within this community.

Warm Regards,

Samuel Collier