Unshakeable Self-Confidence – Part 1

Attaining Limitless Confidence

Wouldn’t it be great to embody a feeling of unshakeable self-confidence? Wouldn’t it be absolutely wonderful to have a powerful and limitless sense of self that you are capable of anything? If that sounds good to I invite you to join me on this incredible journey of attaining limitless confidence!

At one time or another we have all faced challenging situations that shook us to the core. Some of us, depending on our lot in life, may even face these obstacles on a daily basis. But not one among us is completely immune to stress- and whether we are discussing love life, work life, public speaking engagements, playing sports, or building a small business we all could use some additional accessible self-confidence at some time or another to overcome these various life stressors.

This is multi-part blog series on the nature of confidence. We are going to examine the different types of confidence, their core components, and how they arise and ebb and flow throughout our lives. We are also going to discuss how to attain limitless confidence, how to access confidence when you need it most and how to transform ourselves into highly confident individuals. With this series, I aim in inspire you to become a more confident and authentic person. I also plan to deliver some valuable tools for to continue your journey into confidence and offer any further guidance I can along the way.

Part 1:

Internal vs. External Confidence

First off, confidence is both a natural and learned state of being. There are two basic types: external and internal, and though related, both are uniquely useful and cultivated in a different manner.

Our external confidence is a feeling of confidence based on merit and the results of our actions; external results “prove” we are capable of doing something. Seeing is believing and accomplishing what we set out to do reinforces our internal sense of confidence; that we are capable of doing a specific as well as similar tasks.

Internal confidence is a sort of “inner faith” and sense of knowing that one is powerful, capable and has unique abilities that will help us “figure things out” when faced with uncertainty. This type of confidence exists when one truly knows oneself and is aware of our own authentic needs, values and abilities.

Internal confidence is also our birthright. If you think about it, a baby knows when it is hungry, tired or upset and is not afraid to express itself. This natural alignment with inherent wants and needs is a sort of confidence in itself. Knowing what you want and need is a powerful first step because it brings a sense of clarity and all that comes next is striving to achieve it. If the baby is hungry or tired it demands that need to be met through crying. In this way we are born confident in our ability to know what we need and to ask for it.

Confidence that relies on external proof contains one minor flaw as it requires external validation to exist. If we are constantly relying on external proof to show us we are capable, then we are almost literally putting the cart before the horse and we will never have the power to take action in the face of uncertainty.

On the other end, internal confidence is powerful, adaptable and only limited to the extent that one “self-predicts.” If one has this deep sense of inner faith, one will be much more likely to accomplish tasks in the face of uncertainty. Its weakness if anything is that it is an abstract and undirected form of confidence, and if left unbridled could potentially become reckless and allow us to strive for unrealistic goals.

The merit-based external confidence is also highly useful. Once we have accomplished something or overcome a particular challenge, the result is hard evidence and one feels confident the task can be repeated. This type of confidence can be further applied to similar tasks and obstacles. The manner in which this confidence builds is therefore quite logical. It is almost the equivalent of a job resume where one skill set translates to another and you are interviewing yourself for the job.

The internal confidence has a certain audacity. It is quite bold and despite the uncertainty it supplies you with enough patience and perseverance to complete the job. It is also the confidence of a daredevil or risk-taker. It is quite fierce and powerful and can make us effective in situations involving thinking on your feet, public speaking to strangers, learning new tasks and entering new situations unprepared.

This type of confidence can access a certain spiritual level where one feels faith that the answers will be discovered and the right tools or teachers will just somehow arrive to help us figure it out as we go.

A little of this inner power goes along way and when enslaved by the ego one can become over-confident. The truth of this confidence is greater than ourselves and extends beyond us through faith. Where one believes that one is powerful and that they are the one doing it all by themselves, that is where we get into trouble. This confidence usually arrives as an invitation from the universe rather than a forceful or aggressive confidence that is muscled through by the ego.

This type of confidence arises from the higher self or the core being. It is an authentic birthright that lies inside each of us. Therefore, when confidence is not present it is simply obscured and awaiting rediscovery. The way we “unlearned” confidence was through the trauma we experienced in life and our “upbringing” where we are taught to think and be logical and that we can or cannot and should or should not do certain things. For example, the negative belief that women can’t be scientists and men can’t be nurturing and emotional.

In later entries we are going to talk about how to unwind all this type of trauma and negativity that obscures self-confidence and help you attain powerful, unshakeable and limitless self-confidence which is your birthright. Fortunately, the process is quite simple as it is the same as every other path of self growth where giant leaps forward are made simultaneously in each area of your life!

Reflection Points:

Internal and External Confidence are symbiotic and can reinforce each other. Use the power you feel in one area to enhance the feeling of confidence in areas you feel less confident.

To do so, contemplate and journal on the following ideas:

  1. What have you accomplished in your life that makes you feel proud or confident?
  2. Where are the places you currently struggle with confidence in your life?
  3. In what ways are the current struggles similar to the tasks you had accomplished in the past?
  4. What can you begin doing now to build confidence in those current struggle areas?



As without, so within…Creating an Attitude of Abundance

For every action there is an equal and opposite reaction. – Einstein

When you stare into the abyss, the abyss stares back. – Nietzsche


Isn’t it a marvel how life sometimes feels like it is never enough? For instance, how often do we feel totally content with our level of success, love, respect, fame, money and free time that we can truly feel we’ve made it?

I know for myself I can sometimes work hard all day, and yet no matter how much I’ve accomplished it can still feel like I haven’t gotten enough done. The same attitude can even be said for life; when looking back at the many completed projects, high achievements, adoring lovers and fulfilling friendships we’ve had, why can it all sometimes feel lacking?

Will there ever be enough or is scarcity the perpetual attitude of  human existence?  Even when we reach our desired goals and accomplish great things in life are we doomed to feel rushed, discontent, and unfulfilled forever?

Then it hit me- The feeling of “not enough” was how I felt about myself on the inside, and there had to be a direct correlation there, for if I did not believe I was good enough then how would the world be good enough for me in return? Further, if I demanded myself to be perfect all the time, I had much higher expectations of life and the people in it- and that’s why all my successes, rewards, and relationships failed to fulfill me.

Coming from a place of scarcity within ourselves, we project scarcity onto the world and create a reality where there is never enough love, time, success, gratitude and joy. The people in our lives aren’t good enough for us and the great successes we’ve achieved in life remain unsatisfying.  As for myself, feeling life was never enough made me feel stingy, and if I’m feeling stingy I’m certainly not being generous with others- and that my friends is directly how I’m creating scarcity in the world!

What if we reverse it? What if instead we choose to believe we are already perfect and the world is a giving place and everything is as it should be.   In this world, fulfillment and achievement come easy and we are also good enough to achieve anything we want.  Choosing this belief state of mind of abundance rather than scarcity.  This seems like a world I would want to live in,  so why not choose the one that feels best and benefits us the most?

If you are feeling conflict coming up around this proclamation, you are not alone.  There are other limiting beliefs about life intertwined and supported by your belief in scarcity that are feeling threatened right now. You are shaking the foundation of your reality here, and liberation and abundance are inches away….Nice work!

What we project onto the world comes back to us….What comes back to us reflects into us who we are…Whatever we believe ourselves to be we project onto the world. Thus, our reality is the perfect feedback loop between Perception-Attitude-Result…The external reflects the internal and vice versa. What we believe we can achieve we aim for.  You can therefore transform your life gradually by working on either level.  If you don’t like how you feel do something different.  If you don’t like the result you are getting, change your attitude about yourself and/or the world and see what happens!

This is what I call the reciprocal relationship between the internal and external. What we believe ourselves capable of we achieve. What we believe about the world we draw to ourselves. Life is a self-fulfilling prophecy.

Reality, however,  is highly convincing and it is tempting to adopt a negative mentality. However, because the reciprocal relationship exists, so does the power of choice. We always have the choice of whether or not to get down on ourselves or the world for what it’s giving.  However, what if we look at failure or setback as an additional learning opportunity for growth? Takes the sting out of it doesn’t it!  And since perception is therefore always a choice, then why should external results have any impact on how we perceive ourselves at all?  The answer is it shouldn’t!

It is up to us to each maintain responsibility for our own feedback loop. You can and do have a choice to make in every moment of how you perceive yourself and this influences the outcome. Ultimately, reality is a self-fulfilling prophecy. These things take time and we all have many years of subconsciously ingrained thought patterns to work through here. So please be kind, gentle, and allow yourself to gradually unwind,…and for God’s sake get started!

We’ve created these feedback loops over the course of are lives, often when we are younger it is easier to fall victim, make poor belief choices, as we never saw any other way….Part of growing up is realizing this and the fact you have the power to change it now. We can’t blame our younger selves for being so vulnerable, just like we can’t blame our parents, teachers, peers, leaders and anyone else in our lives who pushed their beliefs on us in the past, today! That was is the past and it is only you who is holding onto it in your mind, so why not let go and try something new?

Think about this one:

“I already am everything I am trying to achieve.”

We all have the capacity to feel fulfilled in every moment and to come from a place of abundance. In order to reach this state of mind there are 3 processes to commit to:

1) Find your Life Purpose: connect with your passions, and come from that state of mind in everything you do. Find outlets for it in the world where you can fully express and are fully received. Find as many as you need in the form of careers, projects and hobbies…etc. Align with relationships that support you in this state of being- both personally and professionally. Nurture these, cherish these, appreciate these. Let go of what doesn’t serve you.

2) Open and Embrace everything: Pain is your greatest teacher; Release the past– forgiveness, letting go, saying no– everytime you feel miserable or have a setback this is a gift and learning opportunity. Feel it, embrace it, and let it release. Embrace every belief and thought pattern that arises and delve deeply to find where it comes from. You will need to do this over and over and gradually they will all release. Move towards things that are scary, they will help you grow the most. Move towards honest vulnerable conflict resolution. When you have conflict on the outside, you have conflict within. Let your enemies and arguments be your greatest teachers. If you always move towards repeating pleasure you will get lost in it, and your shadow will make a harsh comeback.  Balance and grounded awareness are key to experiencing pleasure and success on a deeper level while not becoming addicted or avoiding pain.

3) Cultivate a Wholesome Attitude: Love, Gratitude, Abundance, Passion, Joy, Peace, Patience, Perseverence, Service, Cooperation— these are the true currencies of the universe. Spread them generously, wildly, and widely like fire and your life will change externally. If you’re external world looks like this, so will the internal. If your internal looks like this you will easily be in the flow of abundance and able to create external results.  Maintaining a positive attitude even in the face of adversity is the true mark of spiritual accomplishment.  How bright you shine in the down times says everything about your true character.

Sacred Wound

Once upon a time there was a child of God named Baby, and when he was born he separated from God. And when he separated from God, he forgot he was a child of God and a wound formed in his soul like a small hole and that wound was sacred…

And the world was a beautiful place and had many wonderful beautiful things to share with Baby. And at the same time, it was a messed up place and many horrible messed up things happened to Baby in the beautiful messed up world.

And Baby’s parents loved him, but they were messed up too. And they tried to love Baby by filling his hole with only beautiful things. And they tried to protect Baby from all the messed up things- and though they had the best intentions, they had holes too and they sometimes hurt Baby, and that made Baby’s hole feel bigger.

As Baby got older he learned to fill his own hole. And when he went to school, all the teachers were messed up too. And baby learned to fill his hole by playing with the other children, but all the other children had holes just like Baby.  And some of them loved Baby and helped him fill his hole. And some of them were mean to Baby and that made his hole feel bigger.

And that’s how Baby grew up in the beautiful messed up world. All along the way Baby tried to love the messed up people.  And sometimes when he loved them, he hurt them- even when he didn’t mean to…And sometimes when they loved him back they hurt Baby- even when they didn’t mean to. And that made his hole feel even bigger.

And finally when baby became an adult that’s when he realized something was messed up about the beautiful messed up world…and inside of him there was this huge hole he was carrying around his whole life that he was always trying to fill….and that’s when baby decided he must be messed up because he had this huge messed up hole…and that’s when he decided he was just another messed up person in the beautiful messed up world…and that made Baby’s hole feel even bigger.

….So then he looked back on his life searching back in the past for the bottom of the hole- and whatever caused him to be so messed up- so he could finally figure out how to fill it once and for all….

And in his past he found all the angry faces of all the messed up people and that reminded him of all the horrible messed up things that happened to him- so he blamed them. He even blamed his parents when he knew deep down that they had loved him and had tried their best- but they too had hurt Baby without even meaning to- and blaming them made his hole feel even bigger.

…And baby kept on searching for a cause and blaming them all until he felt even worse, and no matter how angry he got he could not change what they had done. And no matter what he still could not find an answer for how to fill this enormous messed up hole….

And sometimes Baby’s hole felt so huge that he felt despondent. And he even blamed God for making the world such a messed up place that it would hurt Baby- and he finally said “Why hath thou forsaken me?” And God having been forgotten all this time gave no response. And that’s when Baby realized he was truly alone and he became very dark.

…And he grew so dark that he began to rage and the rage tore him so deeply that the hole became bottomless, and finally Baby felt so exhausted from trying to fill his bottomless hole that he gave up and fell in….

…And Baby fell so far and fast through that bottomless hole that he was overwhelmed. And along the way he blamed once again all the angry faces of all the messed up people that had hurt him throughout the years. And he was so overwhelmed by despair that he finally surrendered….

…And when he surrendered he saw how he was falling through the past inside the hole and that it had no power over him any more, and that’s the first time Baby felt acceptance…

…And when he fully accepted that he could not change anything about the hole, that’s when baby came out the other side…

And Baby sat on the edge of the hole gazing back at all the faces of all the messed up people that had hurt him, and he finally saw how they were trying to fill their own holes too. And then he looked past all the faces, all the way back to the top of the hole and that’s where he saw the shining eyes of Baby staring back at him…

And then Baby remembered God and how he was once connected to God and that’s how Baby felt his Sacred Wound. And then Baby looked once again at all the beautiful faces of all the messed up people and he said “Forgive them, they know not what they do.” And that’s when Baby felt compassion.

And when Baby fully forgave them he clearly saw himself for the first time and that’s when he realized the hole was a mirror. And when he looked into the mirror he saw a beautiful person no longer messed up anymore, and Baby fully loved himself for the first time. And finally recognizing himself in the mirror he remembered he was a child of God and then Baby felt bliss…

…And what was once a Sacred Wound, had now became a Well of Bliss, and for the first time Baby felt whole.

…And what was once a bottomless hole had now become a mirror, and finally Baby had become fully human.

…And anytime thereafter Baby forgot he was a child of God, he sought out the well inside the hole, and was filled with bliss once again.

And Baby finally decided he was a beautiful person in a beautiful messed up world and that everything was perfect just the way it was. And Baby took his mirror and went forth to show the other beautiful faces how they were beautiful too…

Inspiration is Motivation

Sometimes words like discipline and duty make me sleepy….Trying to force myself to do something I don’t want to do is like trying to push an enormous boulder up an endlessly steep hill….So how can I get myself to do something that I just don’t want to do?  Truthfully, it’s almost impossible and I know many of you feel the same way, and that is why I invented this simple formula that can work for people like us, how we structure our day and that could benefit every level of society.

Lawrence Kohlberg  talked about the difference between Pre-Conventional and Post Conventional morality is his writings.  Though I don’t claim to be an expert on Kohlberg and my comparison is a bit of a stretch, this model is an excellent jumping off point for my discussion around finding motivation.

Pre-Conventional Morality is based on motivations around rewards and punishment .  It is the “carrot on the stick” mentality.  Essentially, we follow certain actions based on the rewards they bring (like making money) or the punishments we avoid (like going to jail).

For those of us “working for the weekend” and staying in that job we hate “just for the money,” it is harder to feel motivated.  Post Conventional Morality on the other hand is another stage of development where the individual makes decisions and actions based on his/her own intuition and high-level reasoning.  In terms of finding motivation, it is as if the actions are driven by a sense of higher good or purpose, and to bring in yet another psychological term, this PCM person resembles a “self-actualized individual.”

The Self-Actualized person is living their life purpose.  They are inspired and fulfilled by the work that they do and they are highly motivated and productive individuals who seem to accomplish great tasks with ease.  They are not concerned with rewards and punishments as their actions are motivated by compassion and the joy of the act itself.  They are natural leaders and easily inspire loyalty and motivation in other people.

We can all live like this and feel like this!….So just what is the secret?

“Inspiration is Motivation.”

And that’s it!  When you are inspired, there is no more inner critic standing over you with a whip, or carrot on the stick keeping you in line.  Inspiration is natural.  It is a power and a sense of connectedness welling up from within, and that is why it is so easy to move boulders when you are living your purpose and feeling inspired.  Work no longer feels like work when you are passionately inspired, and motivation comes quite easily when inspired.  Gone is that eagerness for the weekend because you are in love what you are doing and motivated by the act itself.

This is also why many people take a pay cut to do what they love such as serving a social cause or pursuing their art.  Not that you can’t make money doing such things- that is a limiting belief that I coach people out of every day!  The main point here is that finding your purpose in life and connecting with your personal inspiration in whatever it is you are doing is the utmost important task to feeling motivated consistently.

Sometimes you can even run your entire daily schedule based on inspiration by asking yourself “What task feels most important or inspiring to do right now?”  Prioritization of tasks is an important skill for the entrepreneur and if you can tune into your intuition, you will know what you need to do next today…This is advanced level though, and I can coach you here when you are ready, so don’t be afraid to ask!

Imagine how our world would be run on inspiration!  How at peace everyone would be, and how productive!  This is the world I want to create so I started by creating it for myself and now I seek to help others do the same…

Again, if you want this and you are ready for change, let me know.  And until then remember: find the inspiration and that will get you moving.  I guarantee it!

Powerful Decision Making

Throughout many periods of my life I have felt anxious around making decisions and I want to share with you some of the techniques that have helped me through….

Think about a time in your life you were faced with making a crucial decision.  What was that experience like for you?  How easy and natural did it come?  What factors went into your decision?  How did you eventually decide?

Many of us feel overwhelmed when making crucial decisions.  For some, even simple decisions can seem daunting and stressful.  Sometimes the weight feels so heavy that the effect is debilitating.  It’s as if the fate of the company, our family even our whole life centers around this one decisive moment and it makes us want to tear our hair out!

What if there was an alternative to feeling this way?  What would mean for decision-making to feel easy, effortless and leave you filled with such confidence that each decision feels wonderful?  If that sounds nice, read on!

So how does one go about reaching powerful decisions? First, let’s examine the nature of a decision and how we relate to them to see if that can help us become more decisive:

A decision is simply taking an opportunity to move forward or putting a plan into action.  All of life is actually a series of decisions and a myriad of potential outcomes exists in every waking moment.  Whether it is getting out of bed in the morning and having breakfast, or choosing what direction to take your Fortune 500 company each of these actions are a choice with varying degrees of weight.  Simply showing up and facing the myriad of choices is also a decision we have to make daily and often a highly courageous one that needs be applauded!

One metaphorical moment of decision is the general on a battlefield who raises his sword shouting “CHARGE!”  This is the perfect mirror for reframing our decision-making process.  The general and the charging army demonstrate how the reality of our circumstances in a decision is often the complete opposite of our experience.  In moments of crucial decision we typically feel high anxiety and enormous pressure as if our whole life hinges upon this one outcome.

However, the exact opposite is actually the truth.  In decision-making, everything we are intending and everything we’ve ever learned or experienced is actually directly behind us supporting the decision- and all of these factors coming together in this moment are what are making the decision, not just your brain.  The general never charges alone- his/her momentum is supported by the massive power of the army behind you that is your life.  Realizing this creates more space for patient and purposeful decisions to arise.  It also means you are doing your best to make the right choice and therefore whatever decision you choose will be right in some way.

Still the “fear of failure” is often the greatest culprit holding us back from many decisions.  Underneath every fear of failure is disguised the greater feeling of “I am not good enough,” and that no matter which choice we make there still exists some chance that the outcome won’t be desirable.

So if no choice is going to be perfect, how can overcome our fears and take action through making powerful decisions? Acknowledging the truth that nothing is sure nor perfect is the first step.  Then, there are several key points and effective strategies for making decisions:

  • Do your due dilligence.  Interrogating reality is key to knowing the full spectrum of opportunities you are presented with.  Empower yourself as a fully informed choice-maker and you will feel much more confident about moving forward. Remember that there is no sure victory nor perfect answer, so just do your best.
  • All decisions are made at the appropriate time.  Patience and wise procrastination are virtues when the pressure is high, and chances are you are not thinking clearly so you need to detach.  If there is no immediate deadline, give yourself a break and table the decision appropriately.  Additional mental clarity will arise given the space and it’s better to move forward with a powerful, clear sense of choice.
  • If the deadline is immediate still find a means to detach.  Even a five minute break or a few moments of detachment and centering can bring out the clarity you need to make a fully-informed powerful decision that feels right.
  • There is no failure, only opportunity.  Opportunity exists in the outcome of both the right and the wrong choice.  There is tremendous value in the hard learned lessons of life and when you can find this you turn failure into victory.  In the least, you will be more informed in similar future dilemmas and if you never had the lesson you wouldn’t have known in the first place.  Remember, it can always be worse! If you can find the positive, the learning experience and the opportunities from the fall out of any non-ideal outcome, then you have removed failure from the realm of possibility in your life.
  • When the moment comes, do what feels right.  Reason is good, but value your emotional intelligence and instincts equally. If you think about it, every decision has an emotional component even if the decision process was rationally based because doing what you believe is logical feels right.  Logic has it’s limitations too because reason is based on what you know and have experience with in your own life.  Anything outside of your frame of reference won’t be available for your rational mind to calculate and this is still going to stress you out.
  •  Become a ‘Quantum Decision-Maker.’  The final and ultimate answer to making powerful decisions is to be the person that weighs all of the factors in the decision, has done the due diligence around learning choices and most importantly makes the decision based on logical, emotional and intuitive levels of consciousness. Many of us fail to realize the value of these other aspects in our thinking, and society is quick to judge the emotional and intuitive as being illogical and unscientific.  In the least, using all 3 levels of awareness is guaranteed to make the decision-making process feel good.  Remembering full well that no outcome is completely knowable you can relax and let go by tuning into your self more and knowing you are doing your best.

In future issues I want to talk more about the intuition and how accessing it can benefit you in many aspects of your life such as decision-making.  I hope sharing what I’ve learned in my experience has helped you and I am eager to hear what you think!

Abundance Flows

One of my commitments to myself is to stop fighting abundance in my life.  It almost seemed absurd to me when I realized I have trouble receiving gifts.  Rather than being a vessel of abundance, wealth and prosperity, my ability to receive was approximately the size of a thimble.  All the guilt, blame, shame, doubt, remorse and resentment that I ever carried around with me was clogging up the rest of the receptacle.   I needed more space- more space for abundance to flow.

My three steps to allow more abundance to flow into my life are forgiveness, letting go, and saying ‘No.’  The result of all three of these actions is to polish my inner Feng Shui by shedding what no longer serves me.  This greater space allows the things I do want to enter my life such as love, money, health etc.

By forgiving we release the blame and resentment towards others.  By forgiving ourselves we release guilt and shame, and by letting go of doubt and regret we clear the way.  Saying No allows the vessel to remain open and receive what were do want in our lives and to avoid taking on anything that will bring in more guilt, blame or shame.

How does abundance flow?  It is because giving and receiving are essentially the same thing.  It is an end to a duality.  We believe superficially and falsely that by giving something away we are losing it.  Further, this implies the false belief we owned it in the first place.  This is not how abundance works.  To cling to something is the opposite of abundance.  In order to receive you must make room in your life by letting something go.  Thus giving and receiving are complimentary.

Recently I learned the sweetness of giving at Jesse and Sharla’s Rejuvenate Your Practice conference.  It was an intimate bonding moment with another participant where I was holding space and she was releasing something deeply heartfelt and healing.  I was holding the space.  She was sharing of her self.  Who was the giver and the receiver in that moment?  Both!  I could literally taste the sweetness in my mouth.  Giver and receiver were one.  That is when I learned that in essence both actions are the same thing because of empathy.  There is no true abundance unless abundance is shared.

Thus abundance can flow as there is no need and no real ability to hold on.  Abundance is like a great waterfall flowing over the edge of my cup and filling the stream.  There is always more coming so no need to possess; and possession is an illusion and the death of abundance.  So best to let it go and to invite it in.  Best to receive it overflowing in your cup, and to drink thirstily letting it dribble down your chin!